i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
