I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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