i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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