I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
