alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
