i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
