Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I didn't notice because vodka
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
