Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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