I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
