Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
even my farts smell like vagina
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
