WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
