i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
