I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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