It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
