I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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