eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
All the doctor said was why
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
