Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
