i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
