fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Your dad touched me again.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
