Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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