How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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