Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
