I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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