the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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