Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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