whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
