If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
