: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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