Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
