There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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