your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think my vagina is haunted
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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