i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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