There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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