If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
