6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
