DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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