haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Randomize
