My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
