i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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