I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
