Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
