omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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