AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I understand Curling. That high.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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