so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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