There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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