I heard we made out
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We left the knife in your bed.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
