Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
