Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
