forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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