i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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