So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
