I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
