So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
