i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
