sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize