Already got asked if we're dating
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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