Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Lo siento on account of my penis...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
