I'm gonna have a badass scar
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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