I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
