p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize