drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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