I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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