fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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