Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
