they need to just BURY HIM!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
