I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
