were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize