And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
