nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize