Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
