I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
