Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
