Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
