he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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