Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I AM VODKA MAN
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
