so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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