You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
