do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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