i think my mom watched the whole time
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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