the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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