Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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