are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
