Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
