Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
