if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
