you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
