I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
