Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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