just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
