no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize