His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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