My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
