her vagine was all disorganized.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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