I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
